This morning our little community of Stone Oak in San Antonio, Texas was devastated by the news of an 8th grade boy who, last night, took his own life.
I am a trauma-informed trained crisis counselor who works with many of the youth in our community. This one hits particularly close to home. While I don’t know the family personally, I know many people who are connected with them or to them in some way or another. The kids in our community, whether they are ours or friends of our children, are all of our kids.
As our community grieves, I want to give parents and kids some resources and ways to open up dialogue and communication in your own home about this often-silent topic.
Here are some tips for parents to talk with your kids about suicide:
Use the word: When you talk about it, use the words “suicide” and “killing yourself.” Be direct with your child. Don’t circumvent the issue. Don’t say, “Have you ever thought about, you know, doing something to yourself?” Say it out loud. The words make it real for everyone.
Ask: The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline recommends the following questions be asked to address current suicide ideation or intent (commanly referred to as S/I): Are you thinking of suicide? Have you thought about suicide in the last two months? Have you ever attempted to kill yourself? As uncomfortable as these questions can be to ask, they are important ones. It’s also important to ask if they know of people or friends that talk about suicide or ending their lives.
Be prepared: If your child answers “yes” to any of the three questions, take it seriously. It is not a ploy or gimmick for attention. I can’t tell you how many parents I have had call me over the years tell me “I think they are just attention-seeking.” If your child tells you they have thought about killing themselves, believe them.
Check-In Often: Things change on a dime in a child or teenager’s life – friendships shift or end, romantic relationships go awry, pressure for grades can mount, peer-pressure, feeling like they don’t fit in or have a purpose…..there’s a litany of things that can pile on, and fast. Talk with your child about their goals, how they feel about the changes in their life, and what pressures or stress they are currently feeling.
Seek Help: If you think your child is depressed or has changes in behavior, contact a professional immediately. Don’t wait to see if it “blows over” or “is just a phase.” A counselor that specializes in depression, self-injury and one that has crisis and suicide experience is important.
Listen: Someone asked me today what the signs are for someone in trouble. The answer to that is……there is no perfect formula or way to know exactly. Sometimes there are whispers. Sometimes there are screams. Often there is silence. Watch for all three, along with the below warning signs.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline has the following list of warning signs to help determine if a loved one is at risk for suicide:
– Talking about wanting to die or kill themselves
– Looking for a way to kill themselves, such as searching online or buying a gun
– Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live
– Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
– Talking about being a burden to others
– Increasing their use of alcohol or drugs
– Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly
– Sleeping too little or too much
– Withdrawing or isolating themselves
– Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge
– Displaying extreme mood swings
I give my clients (teenage and otherwise) the following resources to plug into their phones:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255
24/7 Crisis Text Line: Type “Hello” or “Hi” or “I’m Here” to 741741 and a Trained Crisis Professional will respond instantly.
Keep the dialogue in your home open. Let’s reach out to those that feel alone, hopeless and desperate. Talking about suicide is uncomfortable and painful, but necessary. And could save someone’s life.
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