My first-born is off to college. We toured, he applied and he was admitted (Baylor, for those curious). We attended orientation. First semester tuition is paid, and the obligatory (and fun) trip to Bed Bath & Beyond is complete. He secured a dorm room (first choice), roommate (cute kid from Houston) and move-in time (o’dark-thirty on August 17).
He is my oldest and the first to leave the nest. I have many friends in similar boats: We have kids the same age, leaving for school and we are all entering this unchartered territory together. One by one they are leaving … for universities in-state, out-of-state, military institutions or they are staying close to home and working or attending local schools.
But here’s the thing: From my social media feed, you’d think that half of these kids have died. The posts are coming fast and furious as if their kids are gone forever and never coming home again.
And that makes me feel like a bad mom. Because the reality is – I’m not sad he’s leaving.
I’m excited. And thrilled.
Why should I be sad? He got into his first-choice school. He’s happy and looking forward to it. Plus, he’s a three hour-and-change drive away should something occur and I need to get there.
I’d be much sadder if he was home, living in my game-room with no future plan or direction.
So I simply do not feel sad. Why would I be sad? I’m thrilled for him and the wide-open possibilities that lie ahead. Will he study abroad? I hope so! Will he meet new people and experience different things than he has the last 18 years? Yes, please! I know for sure that on breaks he’ll come home and bring his laundry, empty my pantry and fridge, stay out way too late with his friends and drive me all kinds of crazy. And I can’t wait.
For 18 years, all I have wanted is for him to spread his wings and fly. And now he is. He has a work-ethic much like his surgeon-father and me combined and for that I am grateful. He is nervous and unsure and excited and planning his future independent of me. These are all of the things he should be doing as an 18-year-old facing a new challenge and mapping out his future.
I’ll always be there for him. I will sorely miss his energy and wit. I will miss his especially unique relationship he has with his sister. I will miss making him chocolate-chip pancakes and bacon for breakfast. I will miss the constant guitar and drum playing. I will miss watching Giants football games with him on Sundays. I will miss him coming into the house and saying, “Yo, whaasssup?” I will miss him cursing at the Madden Football screen. But sad? No. I’m not sad.
This momma is proud. And excited. And happy for him in a way he can’t possibly comprehend until one day when he watches his own kids go off to college.
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